My boss is going to kill me. Where is the alcohol again?
So, I just did the dopiest stupidest thing ever known to mankind and I am really pissed off Bram Stoker Dracula type mad! Why the fuck did I not finish a project at work due to me talking/stalking my ex all day long? What the fuck is up with that. So in order to get off at a godly hour (meaning b4 11pm) and being the quintessential office-fuck-slave-kiss-ass that I am, I tell my boss that I am taking my laptop home and complete the project comfortable in the bathtub with a glass of Merlot. …. Well I left out the bathtub and glass or Merlot part. DUMB ASS! I left all of the necessary materials and vital information to complete said project at work! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, so here I am with the 2000-pound computer lugging it all the fuck way home, and NO FUCKING WORK. Kill me, shoot me, maim, rape and beat me…but lawd oh lawdy lawdy lawd, don’t fire me. There are possible ways to beat this MAJOR setback though, it’s called “get my ass, crack butt early in the office and be at work before the first batch of coffee brews….oh I am just dying with excitement….
Ok in other news, I just started talking to the love of my life forever and ever this weekend. Its crazy, because we hate each other so much, we curse each other out, we call each other unspeakable names and deliberately bring up each others insecurities in hopes of making each other cry. It never works…mainly because I would never cry to his mutha fucking face; I prefer to do it on my own time, with a bottle of Bacardi. But that is not the point, so n e way. Last week Friday, I just so happened to come to work still drunk from the night b4 and extended the happy hour with half a pint of rum before work, juz to assure that I didn’t get the hangover thing.
*********Oh my god quick question tangent? Have you ever had coffee mixed with wine? Totally not a good idea! Of course I got the bright idea to mix two while drunk at work (lots of young twentysomethings have coffee with a shot of rum to start the day). but wine! I had the shits the next day like a fucking sewer-line, I completely couldn’t stomach anything (which would be excellent if I was trying out for America’s next top model) and I threw up everything, even if I swallowed my spit, a dry-binging purge would come. Note to kids: don’t try this at home. Note to hipsters: don’t try this at work. Note to everyone: Just don’t try it fucking anywhere ********
So, yea…back to the work and half a pint of rum thing, so I decide to be totally cool and nice and i.m him and tell him that I miss him. Next thing you know we are fucking that night. Ok, so um yea, it’s so different because I actually love him. And just cant stop. He is a mega total bitch, but that’s what I like about her. I am quite a promiscuous slut; I mean im young, and halfway attractive y not right? But I must tell you all the time when it comes to her this playa gets played, because I love him, and it just feels so got damn good to hold and make love to someone that you love and adore so much. So, I figure the only way to stop this is simply kill the bitch…. oops, I hope that previous admission doesn’t incriminate me in anyway. Because it would be really bad if someone actually DID kill her, and you guys go…oh my god, he totally entered that on his blog. We totally knew he was going to kill him and we didn’t alert the authorities….I am actually quite sure that A LOT of people would like to kill her…but I don’t think I would ever go to that extent….would I?
Ok in other news, I just started talking to the love of my life forever and ever this weekend. Its crazy, because we hate each other so much, we curse each other out, we call each other unspeakable names and deliberately bring up each others insecurities in hopes of making each other cry. It never works…mainly because I would never cry to his mutha fucking face; I prefer to do it on my own time, with a bottle of Bacardi. But that is not the point, so n e way. Last week Friday, I just so happened to come to work still drunk from the night b4 and extended the happy hour with half a pint of rum before work, juz to assure that I didn’t get the hangover thing.
*********Oh my god quick question tangent? Have you ever had coffee mixed with wine? Totally not a good idea! Of course I got the bright idea to mix two while drunk at work (lots of young twentysomethings have coffee with a shot of rum to start the day). but wine! I had the shits the next day like a fucking sewer-line, I completely couldn’t stomach anything (which would be excellent if I was trying out for America’s next top model) and I threw up everything, even if I swallowed my spit, a dry-binging purge would come. Note to kids: don’t try this at home. Note to hipsters: don’t try this at work. Note to everyone: Just don’t try it fucking anywhere ********
So, yea…back to the work and half a pint of rum thing, so I decide to be totally cool and nice and i.m him and tell him that I miss him. Next thing you know we are fucking that night. Ok, so um yea, it’s so different because I actually love him. And just cant stop. He is a mega total bitch, but that’s what I like about her. I am quite a promiscuous slut; I mean im young, and halfway attractive y not right? But I must tell you all the time when it comes to her this playa gets played, because I love him, and it just feels so got damn good to hold and make love to someone that you love and adore so much. So, I figure the only way to stop this is simply kill the bitch…. oops, I hope that previous admission doesn’t incriminate me in anyway. Because it would be really bad if someone actually DID kill her, and you guys go…oh my god, he totally entered that on his blog. We totally knew he was going to kill him and we didn’t alert the authorities….I am actually quite sure that A LOT of people would like to kill her…but I don’t think I would ever go to that extent….would I?
posted by The Truth at 7:20 AM
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