Ask yourself...Am I an alcoholic?
Alright bitches so its 3:05, the day is winding down, I got three more hours left and DAMN I want a martini. Oh, Question: How many pints of alcohol do you have to drink a day before you are a certified alcoholic? Or, is it you become an alcoholic when it affects your behavioral patterns? I for one - am on a budget, so I usually drink two cheap pints of Georgi’s vodka everyday, thank you very much. The days of cheap vodka tasting like shit has long passed prepubescent pussy pals. Trust me. So I am not quite sure if it taste like bone-a-fid shit or am I just swallowing my saliva (which would taste like bone-a-fid shit from all the years of PARTY TIME). Anywayzz, all I know is that it helps me get through the day. Um um good.
But alas, this alcohol consumption thing is mos def affecting my mental capacity. I always find myself saying to my friends “I said that?” or “You moved to Baltimore last year.” or oh! “I did WHAT with that elephant?” Yea like crazy shit like that. Not even to mention while I write this entry my forehead is sweaty, and my body is embattled with the tingly itchy feeling that you get when you REALLY want something… Think crackheads scratching mercilessly at their necks while out in a 2 week old house robe that got the front all open (nasty ass!) with baby day-days flip flops on mumbling “who-let-the-dogs-out.” yea, kinda like that.
So I am not quite sure what to do. Also, I hate the fact that I have a virtual map in my head of all the nearest liquor stores within a three mile radius. PEOPLE! I can barely remember MY FUCKING NAME! But I sure as hell know where that damn liquor store is. Every time I go in the nice Asian man smiles a huge grin, as I count out more duckets to surrender to the Liquor god.” I don’t like that way he looks at me…. I cant tell if he wants my money, or some ass.
On that note, I will ttyl. I am going to get a damn drink.
But alas, this alcohol consumption thing is mos def affecting my mental capacity. I always find myself saying to my friends “I said that?” or “You moved to Baltimore last year.” or oh! “I did WHAT with that elephant?” Yea like crazy shit like that. Not even to mention while I write this entry my forehead is sweaty, and my body is embattled with the tingly itchy feeling that you get when you REALLY want something… Think crackheads scratching mercilessly at their necks while out in a 2 week old house robe that got the front all open (nasty ass!) with baby day-days flip flops on mumbling “who-let-the-dogs-out.” yea, kinda like that.
So I am not quite sure what to do. Also, I hate the fact that I have a virtual map in my head of all the nearest liquor stores within a three mile radius. PEOPLE! I can barely remember MY FUCKING NAME! But I sure as hell know where that damn liquor store is. Every time I go in the nice Asian man smiles a huge grin, as I count out more duckets to surrender to the Liquor god.” I don’t like that way he looks at me…. I cant tell if he wants my money, or some ass.
On that note, I will ttyl. I am going to get a damn drink.
posted by The Truth at 12:27 PM
1 Comments:
So are you an alcoholic? Yeah, and George Michael is the straightest and poster boy for what it is to be normal to the world. And George Bush is the next Mother Teresa. Now that we've pointed out those truths, we can hightlight this....Right as rain you are an alcoholic (I feel like I just announced the paternity test results on the Maury show, "you are the father").
As for what you should do? Fuck if I really know dude, why don't we check with bush and G. Michael they seem to know how to manage crisis well. LOl. Um (clearing my throat) seriously, you should get help. It is so not hipster to be a washed up alcoholic whose greatest moments of the day are spent blogging away with martini, flask, and wine in tow. Check AA....
If you have second thoughts about whether or not you are a dipsomaniac....think this debate is much easier than is pluto really a planet and if not why the fuck did we learn there nine...say do i need a drink to be normal. If the answer is yes you need it to jet start your day, you should be jet setting to the nearest detox or AA place you can find. Why not map that for your records!
Post a Comment
<< Home